A German guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that no one will steal it then. Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"
What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales?
White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time....". Black fairy tales starts, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit....."
What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.
Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
An Irishman, a Mexican and an Alabama redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, " Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The Alabama redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. the Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Alabama redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral - The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Mexican's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him two tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Alabama redneck's wife. "Hey, don't look at me, he made his own food daily.“
An American Farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear th to church on Sundays."The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
The United States government had just completed an exhaustive study to find out what purpose the head of a man's penis served. After three years and almost 2 million dollars, they agreed that it was to give the woman more pleasure.
Germany, finding out about the survey and not wishing to be left out, spent 18 months and $450,000.00 and decided that the head of a man's penis served to give the man more pleasure.
Poland, refusing to be outdone, conducted their own survey. After three weeks and $29.50, they determined that it was to keep Stash's hand from sliding off and hitting him in the forehead.
When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard?
When he marries your daughter
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour
A Texas businessman is in town to meet with a large Japanese corporation. The meeting is set for a golf course the next day, so that night, the Texan decides to get some entertainment in the form of a hooker. Considering his meeting, he selects a Japanese hooker.While they are having sex, she keeps screaming, ”Ding Wa! Ding Wa!“ Thinking that this must mean ”great“ or ”awesome,“ he prepares to use it to impress his business associates.
So the next day, while golfing, one of the Japanese men tees it up and gets a hole in one! The Texan looks at him and says, ”Ding Wa!“
The Japanese man looks up curiously and asks, ”What do you mean ‘wrong hole?’“
The Taxman made a case against a Jewish prostitute who claimed expenses and stated on her tax return her occupation to be a POULTRY farmer. ”But Sir,“ she pleaded in court, ”I have raised 200 cocks during last year!“
